Leggings Aren’t Pants

***A Public Service Announcement***

Brought to you by People Against Public Exposure (PAPE)

Alas, it is one most regrettable fad,

A trend that is lazy, indecent, and…bad.

It’s defenseless and trashy.  That is my stance.

Once and for all, LEGGINGS AREN’T PANTS!

 

Leggings are really just tights without feet,

Would you wear Spanx by itself on the street?

 

Unless you’re a dancer up on a stage,

Or 12 years or less is your current age,

Unless you’re wearing them for Halloween,

Then your leggings, my friend, are not to be seen!

 

Your friends will not tell you, not to your face,

That those leggings you’re wearing are quite the disgrace.

People who follow you up the stairs

Get a face full of butt and recurrent nightmares.

 

“But they’re warm!”  you protest, hoping you’ll win.

No. They’re not. They’re stretchy and so very thin.

Like fishnets or hosiery of any kind,

They do nothing at all to warm your behind.

 

 

Even if you’re skinny and think you look hot,

Do you really want all eyes on your butt?

‘Cause that’s where they are, drawn there like glue,

Focused on “pieces-parts” instead of just YOU.

 

We can see every wrinkle, your underwear too,

And if you’re not wearing any, we can see ALL of you.

We see your cheeks wiggle as you’re on the go,

We cannot un-see your camel toe.

 

 

Under skirts and l-o-n-g sweaters that hide your bottom,

You can wear your leggings if you’ve got ’em.

Wear them your outfit to enhance,

But never, PLEASE never, wear leggings as pants!

The world is not your yoga class.

If you’re not at the gym, then cover your a–.

It’s not professional or cute when leggings are pants.

It causes guys to stare openly, as if in a trance.

 

 

Be classy, be smart, wherever you go.

Leggings as pants?  Just say no!

Class trumps comfort, no matter the trend.

It’s time for this Leggings-as-Pants thing to end.

 

 

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